I have been hesitant to write about death. But my father is dying. And I have been reading a lot about this topic – and I’ve realised that it’s not something our society has embraced or talks about. Birth is celebrated. People post pictures of their newborns and hospital rooms and smiling dads and sweaty foreheads, but death is a taboo topic.
And I get it. Had someone started talking to me about death a few months ago, I would have inwardly rolled my eyes and tried to get away from the conversation. But I’ve realised there’s so much beauty and peace and grace in dying. In watching, experiencing, witnessing someone reach transcendence and acceptance of a terminal disease life sentence.
It’s been tough. It’s been so fucking tough. When we found out that my dad had a brain tumour, our entire family was shocked, rattled. Even now as I’m writing about it – my stomach hurts thinking about that time. We’ve been through the cycles of doctor appointments, chemo, test results, and have ridden the rollercoaster between hope and fear.
But now, now that we know for certain, that my father has only a few months left on this earth, there’s been a feeling of acceptance. And he’s already transcended. He’s only half with us. Occasionally he comes down to meet us – but half of him is already in Heaven.
And I get it. Had someone started talking to me about death a few months ago, I would have inwardly rolled my eyes and tried to get away from the conversation. But I’ve realised there’s so much beauty and peace and grace in dying. In watching, experiencing, witnessing someone reach transcendence and acceptance of a terminal disease life sentence.
It’s been tough. It’s been so fucking tough. When we found out that my dad had a brain tumour, our entire family was shocked, rattled. Even now as I’m writing about it – my stomach hurts thinking about that time. We’ve been through the cycles of doctor appointments, chemo, test results, and have ridden the rollercoaster between hope and fear.
But now, now that we know for certain, that my father has only a few months left on this earth, there’s been a feeling of acceptance. And he’s already transcended. He’s only half with us. Occasionally he comes down to meet us – but half of him is already in Heaven.
And he’s got such peace because he knows exactly where he’s going. To me, he’s been such a strong influence on my grappling, doubting faith. My father is going into such an unknown place – and yet he’s got this amazing peace and certainty that he’s a child of god, and that he is loved. Deeply.
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